Day -491 WorldCup2018
I need some good senseless nonsense today so I'll try and make it up for my own entertainment. And maybe somebody will think it's funny. Or nonsensical. And then I'll be happy.
Yesterday I was thinking about the "best ever" Super Bowl as I was driving to work and I resolved to come back to it today with a fresher mind, albeit one more day removed from the "greatest ever comeback at a Super Bowl."
My mental search for a reason to talk about the Super Bowl was to use it as a starting point for the greatest World Cup comeback ever. The attempt at recollection ended quickly as I thought about the "most electrifying" Super Bowl ever and how I didn't actually see the electrifying part. (I'm just making up quotes now; I don't remember reading "electrifying" anywhere.) So was there an amazing World Cup match that I turned off before the exciting end? Short answer: no. I would never turn off a World Cup match.
What also took over in my memories of Sunday night and World Cup classics was the comical scene playing out in front of our TV. It was very much like what I would imagine the parallel scenario would be if my baseball-, football- (NFL), basketball-loving, American former boss was trying to explain the offside rule to his family after hearing it from his crazy, football-loving (soccer) employee the one time.
As we are not much of an NFL supporting family our only interest was in how ridiculous or entertaining the half-time show might be. As a self-confessed sports fanatic I do feel a bit of guilt admitting I do not follow one of the most watched sport events in the world. But I have explained why many times in the past. It's not the time to explain reasons now. After Lady Gaga had done her thing, complete with jumping off the stage ("did she just jump?") we decided to keep it on. One daughter repeated a number of times, "I don't even know what happens in this game. What's the point?" My other girl was thinking more along the lines of: "if I watch this with Daddy, does that mean I get to stay up later?" I must point out here, proudly, that both my girls are up for trying every sport at school and will watch a lot of them on TV with me.
So I had to assume the role of the knowing Dad, explaining the "plays". I got the lingo going right away. There are no "plays" in soccer football unless you are my former American boss, or Canadian and American commentators, or most of the people I now work with and talk to everyday, or the sports guy on the radio.
"So what happens, what's the point, how do they score?"
"They have to get the ball over that line at the end."
"Oh yes, I think I've seen them throw it and the guy has to catch it behind that line"
"Yes, sure, they do that".
"But what's happening. What's that 1st and 10 and now 2nd and 5?"
"Yes...yes...there are downs...."
"Downs? Huh? H.U.H? Huh? Downs?"
"Yes, they have to move the ball forward 10 yards each down."
"Yards...?"
"Yes, don't worry about it. Like metres."
"And then what?"
"Well...erm...er....Oh see! They start another 10 yards, another down".
"But is that number how many yards they have covered, or how many to go?"
"It's, you know.....hold on, let's listen to the commentator."
"And why have they stopped now?"
"Well, because the coach needs to draw some more diagrams. And the TV company needs to make some more money from commercials."
"Ok so the white team is going forward. What happens if they don't cover the 10 yards?"
"I think the other team gets the ball."
"Why does the red team have the ball and why did they just kick it?"
"Because the white team didn't do their down thingy and so the red team got it."
"But they kicked it right back to the white team."
"Yes, yes.....yes....(help, somebody). Oh look it's Marc Wahlberg, the actor."
"Now, it's 1st and goal."
"Well, yeah....because if they, you know, do the....they scored!...a goal!"
"A touchdown."
"So that's why it was 1st and goal. See? Just like I said."
"How many points do they get for that?"
"Look at the scoreboard. It's your math test. And now they kick it and get another point"
"They're not kicking it. They're doing a play again."
"Yes, of course, the 2 point conversion." (thank you commentator who only I seemed to hear).
"So is the white team going to win now?"
"No! Ha ha! They can't win. There's only a few minutes left and no team has ever won when losing by so many points. Ok, bed time. Up we go!"
And there ended the family viewing. Teeth brushed, hugs hugged, good-night's said and back I came to my daily post with the TV turned back to the Modern Family marathon for those who don't watch Super Bowl. As I searched for inspiration, for my post, I came across an update: "Super Bowl goes into overtime for the first time ever." Ah, it could be exciting. Back to my post. After that was done I thought I'd better check again so I could make conversation at work on Monday. "Patriots win Super Bowl after most incredible comeback ever."
Ah, well. At least I watched live as Liverpool beat Milan in the Champions League final in 2005 after being down 3-0 at half-time. Well, not quite, but kind of...? A story for another day. And on another day I will remember the greatest "back from the dead" win in a World Cup. But not today.
Back to that offside rule...
"So where's the offside line?"
"There is no line per se...it's a moving line, where the last defender is"
"But in hockey we have a blue line Why isn't there a line?."
"Because it depends where the last defender is. He moves."
"Ok. So that's offside, he was way behind the defender."
"No, because it depends where the attacker was when the ball was played,'
"But now he is definitely offside."
"No, because he started his run in his own half."
"Now. Surely."
"Er, no, because it came off the defender last."
"Really, you guys need a blue line. He scored! But that other guy is way offside....no?"
"No, because the ref decided he wasn't interfering with play (play as a verb, not a noun!)."
"Wasn't interfering?? So what's he doing there? Out for a jog in front of the other team's goalie while a football match is going on?"
"It's really not that complicated."
(Grunt)
I need some good senseless nonsense today so I'll try and make it up for my own entertainment. And maybe somebody will think it's funny. Or nonsensical. And then I'll be happy.
Yesterday I was thinking about the "best ever" Super Bowl as I was driving to work and I resolved to come back to it today with a fresher mind, albeit one more day removed from the "greatest ever comeback at a Super Bowl."
My mental search for a reason to talk about the Super Bowl was to use it as a starting point for the greatest World Cup comeback ever. The attempt at recollection ended quickly as I thought about the "most electrifying" Super Bowl ever and how I didn't actually see the electrifying part. (I'm just making up quotes now; I don't remember reading "electrifying" anywhere.) So was there an amazing World Cup match that I turned off before the exciting end? Short answer: no. I would never turn off a World Cup match.
What also took over in my memories of Sunday night and World Cup classics was the comical scene playing out in front of our TV. It was very much like what I would imagine the parallel scenario would be if my baseball-, football- (NFL), basketball-loving, American former boss was trying to explain the offside rule to his family after hearing it from his crazy, football-loving (soccer) employee the one time.
As we are not much of an NFL supporting family our only interest was in how ridiculous or entertaining the half-time show might be. As a self-confessed sports fanatic I do feel a bit of guilt admitting I do not follow one of the most watched sport events in the world. But I have explained why many times in the past. It's not the time to explain reasons now. After Lady Gaga had done her thing, complete with jumping off the stage ("did she just jump?") we decided to keep it on. One daughter repeated a number of times, "I don't even know what happens in this game. What's the point?" My other girl was thinking more along the lines of: "if I watch this with Daddy, does that mean I get to stay up later?" I must point out here, proudly, that both my girls are up for trying every sport at school and will watch a lot of them on TV with me.
So I had to assume the role of the knowing Dad, explaining the "plays". I got the lingo going right away. There are no "plays" in soccer football unless you are my former American boss, or Canadian and American commentators, or most of the people I now work with and talk to everyday, or the sports guy on the radio.
"So what happens, what's the point, how do they score?"
"They have to get the ball over that line at the end."
"Oh yes, I think I've seen them throw it and the guy has to catch it behind that line"
"Yes, sure, they do that".
"But what's happening. What's that 1st and 10 and now 2nd and 5?"
"Yes...yes...there are downs...."
"Downs? Huh? H.U.H? Huh? Downs?"
"Yes, they have to move the ball forward 10 yards each down."
"Yards...?"
"Yes, don't worry about it. Like metres."
"And then what?"
"Well...erm...er....Oh see! They start another 10 yards, another down".
"But is that number how many yards they have covered, or how many to go?"
"It's, you know.....hold on, let's listen to the commentator."
"And why have they stopped now?"
"Well, because the coach needs to draw some more diagrams. And the TV company needs to make some more money from commercials."
"Ok so the white team is going forward. What happens if they don't cover the 10 yards?"
"I think the other team gets the ball."
"Why does the red team have the ball and why did they just kick it?"
"Because the white team didn't do their down thingy and so the red team got it."
"But they kicked it right back to the white team."
"Yes, yes.....yes....(help, somebody). Oh look it's Marc Wahlberg, the actor."
"Now, it's 1st and goal."
"Well, yeah....because if they, you know, do the....they scored!...a goal!"
"A touchdown."
"So that's why it was 1st and goal. See? Just like I said."
"How many points do they get for that?"
"Look at the scoreboard. It's your math test. And now they kick it and get another point"
"They're not kicking it. They're doing a play again."
"Yes, of course, the 2 point conversion." (thank you commentator who only I seemed to hear).
"So is the white team going to win now?"
"No! Ha ha! They can't win. There's only a few minutes left and no team has ever won when losing by so many points. Ok, bed time. Up we go!"
And there ended the family viewing. Teeth brushed, hugs hugged, good-night's said and back I came to my daily post with the TV turned back to the Modern Family marathon for those who don't watch Super Bowl. As I searched for inspiration, for my post, I came across an update: "Super Bowl goes into overtime for the first time ever." Ah, it could be exciting. Back to my post. After that was done I thought I'd better check again so I could make conversation at work on Monday. "Patriots win Super Bowl after most incredible comeback ever."
Ah, well. At least I watched live as Liverpool beat Milan in the Champions League final in 2005 after being down 3-0 at half-time. Well, not quite, but kind of...? A story for another day. And on another day I will remember the greatest "back from the dead" win in a World Cup. But not today.
Back to that offside rule...
"So where's the offside line?"
"There is no line per se...it's a moving line, where the last defender is"
"But in hockey we have a blue line Why isn't there a line?."
"Because it depends where the last defender is. He moves."
"Ok. So that's offside, he was way behind the defender."
"No, because it depends where the attacker was when the ball was played,'
"But now he is definitely offside."
"No, because he started his run in his own half."
"Now. Surely."
"Er, no, because it came off the defender last."
"Really, you guys need a blue line. He scored! But that other guy is way offside....no?"
"No, because the ref decided he wasn't interfering with play (play as a verb, not a noun!)."
"Wasn't interfering?? So what's he doing there? Out for a jog in front of the other team's goalie while a football match is going on?"
"It's really not that complicated."
(Grunt)
No comments:
Post a Comment