Malta-England: decoding the headlines

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An online headline will never be as telling for me as it will be tomorrow late afternoon. As I excitedly approach New York for a weekend of US Open tennis, my mind will be on what I'm going to read when I stop driving, reach for my phone and search for the Malta-England result.

There are one of two websites I will check first, BBC or The Times of Malta. It''ll probably be the BBC first, just because it seems easier. I've gone over the potential headlines in my head and how the first two words may give away what happened and determine my emotional reaction.

On the BBC:

" Lucky England......" Damn, it was close but we lost. Agh, if it was so close couldn't we have at least got a draw?

"Dominant England..." I'm scared to check the result.

"Lacklustre performance..." Hold on, this could be good or bad. A scrappy 1-0 win for England or a draw? Must read more.

"Lowest point...." Yes! We beat them, or at least a draw.

The Times:

" Battling Malta...." Not again. Enough with the battling. Just get a result already.

"Plucky Malta..." Battling, plucky. Same thing. We lost badly.

"Defensive Malta...." We lost badly and didn't even got a shot at goal. Even the reporter is fed up and is just being polite.

"Malta succumbs..." Succumbs not good. Succumbs to superior English performance, to late winner?

"English relief....." Another way of confirming we lost.

"Schembri last....." ....minute winner? We all dream about it, don't we?

What if the first thing I see is a Facebook post by a friend of mine. How will he/she sum it up in a few words? How's that for a challenge? The emotions and associations generated from two or three words. The way those words are received are also influenced by the state of mind and expectations of the reader (me): resigned to news of a defeat but hoping for a miracle.

Of course, ironically after tomorrow is over I'll be back to supporting England come Monday and hoping they make it to Russia. I just want that one huge bit of good news for Malta.

Malta-England: memories with Dad

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Like many other boys I started watching football with my Dad. At the beginning I thought he knew everything about football. We watched, I learned. Over the years, as probably with many other boys, I realised what my older brothers must have already known, that he didn't actually know everything. He knew his stuff. He knew about Billy Wright and Wolves (greatest team in the world) and Honved (who beat the greatest team in the world) and the teams that visited Malta after the war, and that all Maltese football matches were settled by bribes and not on the pitch. And so his comments became amusing, entertaining, frustrating, endearing.

"They train all week, that's all they do. They get paid to do this and they can't even shoot straight. Pathetic."

There was a lot of England watched on TV and Malta watched live. The pattern of comments was repeated over the years.

At the start of an England match:

"Oh no, he's playing again. Why do they always choose him? Surely, there are better players in England."

Five to ten minutes in:

"Always the same England. They don't know what to do with the ball. You watch Brazil and Germany, they pass they move. The English players are standing still."

Throughout the match:

(Groan after groan) "Why do they keep passing backwards? Come on. Pass it forward. Now they're trying to walk it in. Shoot man! Shoot!. What kind of shot was that?"

It probably started in the early eighties.

"Shilton? Look at that. He's too old. Isn't there a younger goalkeeper"

"Butcher, Robson.... time to get rid of them. Get some younger players."

"Ah Vinegar...Lineker? I like him. He's quick, moves a lot. This is what England need.'

"That Lineker is so lucky. He just always happens to be in the right place at the right time. He just waits for the ball in the penalty box. He never touches the ball otherwise."

"On no, Lineker's coming on? I should turn it off now."

"What's his name. Gas...what? Gascoigne? Is he good? Never heard of him."

"Ah, this is what England need. Gascoigne dribbles, shoots. (Sitting up straighter) He's good."

"Gascoigne again? Where has he been for the last year. Injured? Really? I just don't think he's that good."

And on and on it went. Always entertaining, wouldn't have been the same without the commentary and Mum going between laughter and annoyance. "Is Eastenders on yet. Aidan, can you turn it on for me on the other TV?"

Fast forward to 2014 and a phone conversation with him after England's first match at the World Cup in Brazil, which they lost but nonetheless:

"England had all these young players. I don't know most of them but they looked good. They passed, they moved well."

I don't remember talking to him after Iceland beat England at Euro 2016. But I can just imagine what he thought of all those now not so young players.

Concurrently, there were trips to "the stadium" to watch Malta play.

"I wonder how much we'll lose by today."

"Look at the other team even while they are warming up. Look at the ball control and they look like they know what they are doing."

"Malta can't get the ball out of their own half, unless they kick it as hard as they can."

"Pass it, pass, don't just kick it to the other half."

"Get rid of it. Why are they trying to pass it around? Just kick the ball away."

"Wonderful. Look at the other team how they are always moving. And the ball control."

"Malta's players are just standing still. Nobody knows how to move for the ball."

"In the past we had some really good players. I could mention a few. I don't even know any of these players now."

"John Buttigieg? Why did Brentford think he was so good. Look at him. All his fault."

"Carmel Busuttil. He's like a foreigner. Look how much he moves."

The manager's Maltese...he doesn't know what he's doing. We need a foreigner.......Malta should just give up...why do they even bother playing these teams.

So what happens on Friday when pathetic England play terrible Malta? The clash of anti-support for two teams will be very entertaining. Which way does he go? What will win him over in the first few minutes: England playing like Brazil ("but it's only Malta") or Malta trying to play proper football ("but they should stop trying to play all these passes").

I wished I could be there to be at the match. But this is also one time I would have loved to have been there, sitting with my Dad, listening to what he has to say, biting my tongue, getting crackers for him to stay awake. We've watched a lot together but never Malta vs England.

Malta-England: the connections

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The Malta team that will play England on Friday could, if selected, feature three English-born players. The goalkeeper, Andrew Hogg, was born in Surrey but moved to Malta when he was 5.
The other two, Sam Magri and Luke Gambin, are as Maltese as I am Irish or Algerian (a grandparent on either side...or is it a great-grandparent?). But they have spent more time in Malta, thanks to a Maltese grandfather making them eligible to play for Malta, than I have in either Ireland or Algeria. I, sadly, never got the call to represent either country at anything. I still have dreams....

Luke Gambin plays for Luton Town in League Three in England (the 4th division in olde English). "Plays" is a bit of an exaggeration as he hasn't played in a league match yet this season. Sam Magri plays non-league football for Ebbsfleet United. With thanks to one of my (many, many) readers,  Ben Holmes, I noticed a link between Magri and Gambin apart from the obvious good fortune at being able to play international football for a country they had an almost unknown link with. In recent interviews they both mentioned how they are looking forward to the prospect of reuniting with England's Raheem Sterling. Magri played with Sterling for England at the U17 World Cup in 2011.

Gambin played for Barnet against Sterling and QPR in a youth match. Sterling was 15 at the time but playing in a higher age group. Gambin was 17. Both Maltese players mentioned how incredibly talented Sterling was at that young age. Their careers took very different paths but, with the beauty of international football where unlike the Champions League smaller teams can still dream, on Friday a 4th division player and a non-league player will be on the same pitch as the Premier League star. And that's just two of the Maltese players. The majority of the rest of them play in the Maltese league, at a level similar of maybe lower to that of Magri and Gambin.

Malta's team has three more overseas based players: Zach Muscat plays in the Italian third division; Andre Schembri plays in Cyprus' top division; Jean Paul Farrugia plays in the Swiss second division. And an honourable mention has to go to the evergreen Michael Mifsud, the former Coventry City hero, who in his heart is still playing for one of the biggest teams in Europe.

If you hadn't realised already what a mismatch this is on Friday, doesn't that put it into perspective? How are Malta's players even supposed to compete with England?To frame it differently, it's like Lincoln City or Sutton United playing a Premier League team in the FA Cup. Impossible, right? Well, no. But it is an FA Cup super-upset kind of gulf in class.

As the experts say the match starts as a draw. And it's up to England to change that. The longer it remains as it started the more I will wonder if the impossible may happen. But in the end it won't matter too much, because it's in Malta's next match on Monday when I'm looking forward to a real chance at a win against our fellow group minnows, Scotland.

Malta-England: the fans are here (there)

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Yes, yes, I know. That story. I will get to it.

In the meantime how do you build excitement for an event that is happening six time zones away and you are not surrounded by anyone else who is talking about it? You go on twitter and read about what the England supporters are doing: those in Malta already and others counting the days. The fans in Malta have found the two main areas to congregate: Qawra and St. Julians. The latter seems to be the more popular: "bars do something like 60 shots for £20", "Clubs are bars everywhere round here!"

Hotel names exchanged, meeting points arranged and the flags are flying. I've seen Blackpool, West Bromwich Albion and Merstham FC. Merstham. yes. Formed in 1892, currently play in the Bostik League Premier Division.

And to really set the scene: "England everywhere in Malta right now! Absolute scenes."

To counter the English support I came across a Maltese fan's tweet with a picture of the 4000 flags ready to be handed out to the South End Core supporters. He's pumped. He's ready, for #MltvsUK. I guess he's just getting ready for Malta's match against Scotland on Monday. Tweets for two matches in one. Save some characters. Just bring on the whole of the UK.

Tomorrow, I need to find some videos. Maybe I'll get some help....maybe?

Malta-England: as my Dad sees it

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I have this fumy story in my head which I keep repeating and adding to everyday. It's about what will happen when my Dad watches England play Malta on Friday and years of criticizing both countries' teams incessantly comes to a head. It's an amusing story in my head, as it always was to the rest of my family. But what happens on Friday: does it all balance out? As I see it England are in a no-win situation anyway in my Dad's eyes. Win, "well what do you expect, they're playing Malta who are as terrible as they were last time they played England in 1971". Draw or lose, "terrible England, all these years watching them and they are still not getting any better."

I'm going to stop making excuses about late nights and try writing it out soon. It might not be that funny. Stay tuned.

Malta-England: the fans will enjoy it

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Six days to go until the biggest match of this round of qualifiers for me. The Malta-England match will be quite the occasion for many Maltese football supporters, but a big part of the fun is the arrival of all the English supporters. You would almost think, Why bother? Why come support their team in a match they should win comfortably. But on the other hand: a holiday in Malta, with an England match thrown in? Better than going to Kazakhstan. And, indeed, a quick read of the England supporters forum online shows they are looking forward to a big party. It'll be fun. And I guarantee there will be one or two dumb locals who will think drunk England fan=hooligan and be ready to pick a fight. But I hope not.

Malta-England: one week to go

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Oh these days are just too short. Everything in my head is going to take a while to make it here. Here's a sign of my level of distraction (from football, the only thing that counts right?): late this evening I saw that Aston Villa drew with Bristol City today. If I did know that they were playing on Friday this week I completely forgot about it. I shouldn't even admit to it. What kind of fan am I?

In a week from today, Malta may be celebrating a close defeat against England. England will not celebrate a win, but their manager, Gareth Southgate, will talk about what a tough match it was and the difficulty of the conditions, and all that's important are the three points.

Or maybe....it'll be a different story next week.